Two years

My third baby's birthday is coming up.  Two years.  Oh.  It's so hard to think that it's been two years since I kissed her little cheeks and held her small body close.  I miss her so very much.

I have felt such a discontent lately.  I shared about it in a previous post.  Looking back I realized that I was exactly like this last year.  In the week or so leading up to Ella's first birthday I was a hot mess of emotions.  Cranky.  Angry.  Sad.  with a little happy and normal thrown in there.  I felt a little out of control.  I remember so clearly the day before her birthday.  Shane was trying so so hard for us to have a good time and make memories and I just could not do it.  Yet on the day of her first birthday, I was ok.  It was nice to celebrate her as a family.

So we will get through this week.  We will celebrate Ella's birthday on Saturday and know that she's having a bigger, better party in heaven.

But I still miss her.