Thursday, June 26, 2014

Count Your Blessings...

(written a few weeks ago)

Writing has proven to be so therapeutic for me over the past years  I am not sure why then, I have not continued.  I'm sure it's the multitude of things going on.  Anyway, if writing has lifted my spirits and lightened my heart so I will continue.   

For many different reasons my heart has felt heavy in the past month or so.  Some things I can pinpoint- A new house, new places to learn, the host of various Dr apts (all well checks, do not worry) for 5 people in a family makes for lots of scheduling and running, a house that is lived in makes for messes.  And while I am enjoying parts of our homeschooling journey, having my kids home ALL.THE.TIME means that there really isn't a time that it's clean.  Ever. And laundry?  Well, I know that will end when my kids leave for college.  Ha! Throw in there some postpartum hormones and extra baby weight that won't budge and it adds up.

I am a people person.  I love to chat with friends.  I love to make plans and have play dates for my kids.  I like going and doing.  Even though our little town was small, we lived in a great community where friends were a walk away and neighbors loved my kids so well.  There was always someone to visit or a sucker to be shared if my kids just asked sweetly.  (side note:  when I was little I did the exact same thing- took flowers, or weeds, or whatever,  to our neighbor so she would give me cookies. Or pickles.  Ha!)

I am confident that the Lord led us to move for many reasons and He has so blessed us in this journey.  But that doesn't mean it's been easy.  I've been lonely.  I've missed neighbors, and good friends and long walks around the lake.   I've missed a church community that opened their hearts to us so freely. I've missed good worship and a message that challenges me.  (we are still looking for a new church "home") Having three littles has been such an adjustment on top of this.  And we are teaching our kids at home (we LOVE this and this is NOT a problem for us. :) ) Which means there isn't a lot of down time.  And did I mention that they are creative and busy and that my house is NEVER clean? I have a baby who doesn't yet sleep all night- however, I do know that he won't stay little for long and that day is coming soon and oh the rejoicing that will happen when that day comes!

A few times this past week my heart has just been...heavy.  I can't really explain it.  A few times I would just stop and feel like everything was running around me. The thoughts I shared above would weave themselves through my head and I just felt ....sad.  The closest I can get to it is those months after I had Ella where I just felt like I was in a cloud.  Looking back, I know that there was a touch of depression in that cloud.  Grief will do that to you.  

So I am thinking that is it.  I am grieving my old life in my little town and my friends and my church and my sleep.... I think that is ok.  It's ok to be sad about what has changed.  

What is not ok though (for me!) is to stay there.  I'm reminded about this post. It's still applicable for me.   SO... I will count my blessings today and know that being grateful and thankful is one way to cure the blues.  I will trust that He knows the plans He has for me.  

My blessings:

Thing 1,2, and 3.  And this guy.  This day was so so great.  I told Shane that I wanted to go strawberry picking and I wanted us ALL to go.  I am fairly certain that picking strawberries on a hot hot morning with 3 littles was not on his list to do on his day off.  He doesn't even really like strawberries!  But he did it without complaining.  And we did pick!  

And then I had all these berries that were so sweet and yummy and needed made into jam.  (I am pretty sure Grace ate at least 2 quarts!!)

I know this added more to what I already feel like is a full life, but I like this. I  like making food for my family and they love it and it makes me happy to cook/bake/make jam for them.

And he makes me happy.  He took care of the kids, he mashed strawberries, and he ran around looking for extra jars for me.  

52 jars and some change.  Enough for our family to enjoy jam on toast, sandwiches, pancakes... you name it!  Enough to share with friends.  

What a great group of blessings.

*This is not meant to be a woe is me post.  I know and believe that the Lord has us where we are for a reason and I know change is always hard for me.  I will make friends, I will sleep, life will calm down. This post was for me to get my thoughts out and to remind myself to be thankful.  Even in the hardest times there is much to be thankful for.  


Anonymous said...

hugs to you friend...grieving is a important process. Still doing my fair from two years ago, from your move away, and anticipating more in the near future. I think if we don't allow it to happen it will fester and pop up later.
P.S. That strawberry jam was delicious, already gone here!

Dad said...

As your great grandmother Drakeley would say "keep a stiff upper lip". Love you baby.