Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Monday, January 27, 2014

Tell them the real number....

This article  spoke to me in the past month more so than ever.  (click on it and you will be able to read it)  Since we have a new baby we are often asked in a friendly way how many kids we have.  I have said "three" and that most certainly didn't feel right.  A few times right after Gavin was born I said "four"  But that didn't feel right either.  The person sometimes asked how old they were and then I either said "5, 3, 1.5, and Gavin" or I said their ages and that we had one who passed away.  Then comes the awkwardness and sadness that follows when one talks about a dead baby.

I have come to decide (and feel good about) that I will choose what to say when the situation arises.  Sometimes you may hear me say "3" and sometimes "4".  I may share that we have one in heaven or I may not.  What often has felt best is saying we have "three" here.  That may be just semantics but I don't care.

The truth is that while we are LOVING our new little man, we are often reminded that we are missing one.  Gavin is perfect and wonderful and so sweet, but he does not replace Ella.  I am in a good place emotionally and although I'm tired from lack of sleep I have done better than I thought I would after having him.  I had a good cry on the way to the hospital in labor and a few after but for the most part I feel good.  But my sweet son does not make my heart "whole" per say.  I find myself in the middle of the night searching his face and then looking at our pictures of Ella to find resemblances like with his other two siblings.  I find myself sighing a bit in relief when Grace or Graham mention Ella, which reminds me that they still remember.  I am planning our family picture wall and trying to determine how best to show pictures of all four of my babies.   She is absolutely not forgotten here.

There is a little bit of bittersweetness going on here.  I am so glad that we have a healthy baby boy here but the more time moves on, it does feel like we are leaving Ella behind a little bit.  When I feel and think this way I make myself remember that she is in heaven and time there stands still- and isn't that great?  To be at the feet of our Father forever?  How blessed is Ella?  Blessed indeed.

Sunday, January 26, 2014

Let's Compare!

In no particular order, just how I pulled them off of the computer here are some comparisons of my kiddos!  Gavin on the left, Graham on the right

Grahammers on the left and Gav on the right.  They look so much alike minus Gavin's hair. :)
Sis - She had lighter hair and it was more receding than the others.  ha!
Grace- sleeping beauty


Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Sleepy Boy

Graham's been having trouble going to sleep at night.  We put him to bed around 8ish (later than when his sister went to bed at 3, but so is life with more kids!).  Anywhere from 5-20 minutes later we hear... "Dad?  Can I hold someone please?  I just wanna hold you."  Then he half skips half runs out and jumps in Shane's arms as mine are usually filled with Gavin, and cuddles for as long as we will let him. This may happen one time, or many.  Throw a few trips for some sips of water and he's often up till 9 or later.  This makes him super tired in the morning.  He will often get up and try to sneak in our bed during the night.  If he makes it all night in bed or when we put him back, he gets up around 6:30 or so and dives in our bed and goes right to sleep and will sleep until we wake him.

All that to say, we decided to try not having him nap for a few days.  The first day was fine.  He loved it and did great.  But he still did his nighttime routine that night.

This is what happened the next afternoon.

HA!  Sweet boy.  I walked in and called for him.  I didn't see him but could hear heavy breathing.  
This is how I found him, Al Bundy hands in pants and all. :)
With a tennis ball and can of waterproofing spray.  Cause you never know when you'll need those. 

Sunday, January 12, 2014

My view...

I love this picture.  These three littles fill my house with noise and love.

(disclaimer: we do ask Graham to step away from the tv every time he gets that close- ha!) 

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Two Weeks

My little squishy is growing fast already.  While my first two were slow to grow, I think he's already chunking up.  We'll see tomorrow at his two week appointment!

We do a lot of this around here- holding sleeping babies.  They don't stay little for long so I'm enjoying his warm body curled up with me.