Three days ago, almost exactly I gave birth to Baby Ella. We were not thinking she'd be coming 5 weeks early and were not prepared like we thought we wanted to be but praise God for his plan and his hand in our lives. It was the best we could have hoped and prayed for in spite a diagnosis of pre-eclampsia.
Our Thursday was quiet, I rested and we had no visitors. The pre-eclampsia was under control so there was no major concern. The pain medicine I was given worked well and allowed me to sleep. When it was time, our sadness about what was coming turned to joy. Our baby was coming! Even though we knew there would be pain, we were able to celebrate her fast arrival. It was perfect, and so was she. Our time with her was filled with love and great memories.
Ella had lots of hair, curly hair! I have always wanted one of my babies to have curls. :) She had two cowlicks on the top of her head that would have given her fits as she grew older and her hair was daddy's color, light brown. She was 5 lbs 7.8 oz and 19 1/2 inches, not bad for being a premie!
Our parents were able to join us to see her and then hold her. It was a great time to again, celebrate her. I always wondered how I'd feel after holding my baby who was no longer alive, but again, praise God, it was just like any new baby! I was (and am!) proud of her and wanted to show her off and cuddle her as much as I could.
We are home now. The pain has arrived in full force. We are taking it day by day, moment by moment. Sometimes it's ok and sometimes it's very much not. But I will be ok because I am being held up by my God who knows what I need before I can ask for it. Who knew Ella before she was created and knew the number of days she'd have and who does NOT make mistakes. I will be ok because I have a husband that is committed to us, to our children, and to seeing us through this storm. I will be ok because I have friends who love me and who stop by to just give a hug, or who send a quick note or who have made a meal with love. I will be ok because I am confident that there is a little one in heaven right now celebrating and dancing with God with pure joy in an unbroken body that is perfect inside and out. And I will see her again. Thank you Jesus.
(side note: for all of you who said Ella was beautiful, she was! But the picture that posted to facebook was my profile picture from my blog. It was Gracie as a baby. That was not meant to mislead, it was just my profile pic that I had never changed. I have since changed it to avoid confusion) :)