Wednesday, January 16, 2013

6 months

January 5th marked 6 months since Ella's been in Heaven.  I have noted each month since she died. Sometimes with acknowledgement, sometimes just quietly by myself.  On January 5th I had some music on and 10,000 reasons by Chris Tomlin came on. Here is the first verse and chorus:

Bless the Lord, O' my soul
O' my soul, Worship His Holy name
Sing like never before, O' my soul
I'll worship Your Holy Name.

The sun comes up
It's a new day dawning
It's time to sing your song again
Whatever may pass and whatever lies before me,
Let me be singing when the evening comes.

Oh, this song is so, so precious to me.  I listened to it on that day and realized that I have made it six months.  There were days when I thought I wouldn't.  There were days an hour felt like years and I didn't know how I'd make it to evening. But my prayer was and still is that when evening comes, I'll still be singing His praises.

It was a bittersweet day.  We went sledding as a family and had such a great time.  The kids had so much fun going up and down the hill.  We worked on a snow fort and a snowman.  We were a family, making great memories.  Seriously fun.  I couldn't help but think that if Ella would have been here, I would have probably been inside with her.  Shane would have taken the kids out and there would be no pictures and I wouldn't have had those great memories.  If she would have been her it would have been different.  Such a mix of feelings.  I know I can't live in the "if" and "what would have been" moments but it just hit me that day that our life is moving on and it's different than it would have been and different isn't always bad.  Just.... different.

A recreation of A Christmas Story.  Ha!
Burying sister's feet in the snow. (we were safe, no one panic!)

Go here to listen to the whole song. 10,000 Reasons

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