Thursday, August 2, 2012

Thankful Thursday

(a few pics, to make this post interesting- the grandparents may get mad if I don't show these two. Ha!)

Four weeks ago today I gave birth to Ella.  Four weeks ago this morning I was dozing thanks to a great epidural.  I'm so thankful for that peaceful day.  We knew what was coming and it could have been so so awful but that day was quiet and peaceful.   Shane just hung out and watched meI snore sleep all day.  I would wake up when the nurses would come in then drift off to sleep.  We had all the monitors turned low so we weren't listening to her heartbeat.  I didn't want to stress about if her heart was beating well or not.

Part of me feels like it was yesterday and part of me feels like it was years ago.  That's bittersweet I think.  I can't live in those moments.  I need to keep going.  My kids need me.  My husband needs me.  But I'd love, more than anything, to hold her again.  I know I will in Heaven.  Praise God for that.  I KNOW she is in a better place.   I just miss her.

Today is Thursday and I am thankful for:

  • a gorgeous necklace given by dear friends.  It's Ella's birthstone!  I never thought that I'd have a "ruby".  I love love love it. (and I'm even more thankful for those ladies who so thoughtfully gave it to me)
  • a visit this week by my BFFs from Michigan.  I love those girls.  We did nothing special but it was the best.  
  • Pictures!  My friend Jess took a few pictures of Ella and "prettied" them up.  I LOVE them!  I may share them on here.  Right now, they are just "ours" and that feels right.
  • dinners that were made for us.  They have ended (did they really have to end?!). I know that's a good thing.  I need to start doing some planning and get a schedule going for us.  But those meals were such a lifesaver for my family.
  • going out to eat tonight with some amazing ladies.
I had started way back in January, doing Ann Voskamp's gratitude list.  (you can see August's here) but  I slowly stopped . I'm going to start my gratitude journal again and try to do it every day this month.  

Because those who keeping a gratitude list:
1. Have a relative absence of stress and depression. (Woods et al., 2008)
2. Make progress towards important personal goals (Emmons and McCullough, 2003)
3. Report higher levels of determination and energy (Emmons and McCullough, 2003)
4. Feel closer in their relationships and desire to build stronger relationships(Algoe and Haidt, 2009)
5. Increase your happiness by 25% — (Who wouldn’t want a quarter more happiness!) (McCullough et al., 2002)
Who doesn’t want all that?
(copied from A Holy Experience)  
I could use a little more happiness and to have closer, stronger relationships and definitely more energy. :)


Ruth said...

Love you Shan. Praying for you.

Jessica said...

Me too, what Ruth said . . . heal at your own pace, k?