Four weeks ago today I gave birth to Ella. Four weeks ago this morning I was dozing thanks to a great epidural. I'm so thankful for that peaceful day. We knew what was coming and it could have been so so awful but that day was quiet and peaceful. Shane just hung out and watched meI
Part of me feels like it was yesterday and part of me feels like it was years ago. That's bittersweet I think. I can't live in those moments. I need to keep going. My kids need me. My husband needs me. But I'd love, more than anything, to hold her again. I know I will in Heaven. Praise God for that. I KNOW she is in a better place. I just miss her.
Today is Thursday and I am thankful for:
- a gorgeous necklace given by dear friends. It's Ella's birthstone! I never thought that I'd have a "ruby". I love love love it. (and I'm even more thankful for those ladies who so thoughtfully gave it to me)
- a visit this week by my BFFs from Michigan. I love those girls. We did nothing special but it was the best.
- Pictures! My friend Jess took a few pictures of Ella and "prettied" them up. I LOVE them! I may share them on here. Right now, they are just "ours" and that feels right.
- dinners that were made for us. They have ended (did they really have to end?!). I know that's a good thing. I need to start doing some planning and get a schedule going for us. But those meals were such a lifesaver for my family.
- going out to eat tonight with some amazing ladies.
I had started way back in January, doing Ann Voskamp's gratitude list. (you can see August's here) but I slowly stopped . I'm going to start my gratitude journal again and try to do it every day this month.
I could use a little more happiness and to have closer, stronger relationships and definitely more energy. :)