The Lake

We haven't had many snowy days but we've really enjoyed the ones we've had!  We took an afternoon and went sledding one day and then walked over to check out the ice on the lake.  Shane's been itching to walk to the island! (Every year he is ready to do this.  I, on the other hand, am never ready. ha!)

Friday

It's a snowy Friday.  I'm still in my jams.  :)  Kids are running around like crazy, my bed is covered in laundry.  I like days like today.  They make days like yesterday where we ran around all day and were busy ok because I know that Friday is coming.  Have a great weekend!

Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous. Do not e afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.

Joshua 1:9

What I'd like to tell you.

 I remember reading posts like this from other mamas who have lost a child.  Now, here I am posting something similar.  Here is a collection of thoughts I've had for a while now and I wanted to share them with you.

• I like to talk about Ella.  She is a very important part of my life.  I don't mind if you talk about her too. It's ok to ask me about her.  If I share something about her it's not because I am trying to make you uncomfortable, it's because she's part of my story now. When I share about the birth of my kids, there will be three stories.  When I talk, many things in our lives were "before Ella, when we had Ella, or after we had Ella".  
• I like it when you do ask me about her.  Or how I am really doing.  Sometimes I am really good and feeling good and sometimes I am sad and missing her a lot. I may share with you, I may just tell you that I'm "good"  (and that is more often than not true!)
• Ella was born.  She lived. She was born alive at 34 weeks.  She cried.  She opened her eyes.  She lived for two precious hours. If she would not have had Trisomy 13 there would have been all kinds of interventions and things done to make sure she was a healthy preemie.  She did not live long, but she did indeed live.
• I did not have a miscarriage.  Ella was born alive and then went into the arms of Jesus two hours later.  I am not trying to trivialize anyone's pain with a miscarriage.  I have had miscarriages and have mourned greatly for those babies I never got to know. But I did not have a miscarriage.  I carried Ella for 34 weeks and felt her move and kick and hiccup.  I held her as she took her last breath here on earth.  She was here.  If she would have went to heaven before she was born, I still would not have had a miscarriage.  It would have been a stillbirth.  This is very important to me.  I would also venture to say that it's important to other mama's who have experienced the same loss.  If you are unsure of what to say or you don't want to say "when Ella died", you can use "when you lost Ella", or "when you had Ella", or "when Ella went to heaven."
• Grace and Graham will always know they have a sister in Heaven.  We talk about her whenever the opportunity arises.  Gracie will proudly share that she has a "baby" and that her baby sister is in heaven. I am proud of her during those moments when she feels like sharing.  I want her be able to talk about Ella whenever she wants to.  Sometimes she doesn't talk about her for a while and then we'll talk about her quite a bit for a few days.  
• I have three children.  Two are here and one is in heaven.  That "how many kids do you have" question will always be awkward for me from here on out.  I may say just two to simplify things, I may say I have three kids, or I may go into detail, but I will now always, always have to stop and think about that question.

Monday Monday

 A few weeks ago we went to Crazy Pinz with our friends Alexis and Jonah.  The kids had such a fun time.  They even went putt putt golfing!

 Look how long Gracie's hair was!  She and Graham got hair cuts last week.  I'll post a new pic of her "do" this week!

 My fashionista.  

I went to Michigan to see my girlfriends this past weekend.  It was filled with lots of eating and hanging out, sweat pants, and sleeping in.  It was simply the best.  Shane and the kids had some fun adventures themselves!  I was happy to go but so glad to get home and hug them too.  :)

An original

Here's a little video for you:  Written and recorded in our very own garage.

You're welcome.

Phone Dump

It's like playing "where's Waldo"

This obviously wasn't this week!  

Shane was gone quite a bit in the past few weeks.  We did lots of face time with Daddy.

Did you find him?

I  ate this for my "last no calorie counting, eat what you want" meal.  It's called "Cherry Berry On a Cloud, but my friend Jod, used strawberries.  It had a meringue on the bottom.  DELISH!

A little book time before bed.

He insisted sleeping with Gracie's Sunday hat.  This is how I found him.

My two lovelies.

You keep track of all my sorrows.  You have collected all my tears in your bottle.  You have recorded each one in your book.

Psalm 56:8 NLT

(read this today and I love it.  It's perfect)

Tuesday

I've not been a very good blogger. I'm sorry loyal readers (i.e. family!)  We are doing well, no need for concern.  Life is just...  going.

Graham is at such a fun age.  He's talking ALL.THE.TIME.  And, I'm not sure if you knew, but he is a genius (smile).  He knows most of his letters and sounds.  He is loving his race cars and his basketball hoop.  His dad got him a baseball cap last week and he's loving that too.

He and Grace are playing together now and it's so much fun to watch.  He is starting to understand what pretend is so we often have a puppy dog around.  He is a good eater, but doesn't care for meat much. I can't get him to eat hardly any.  He does love his mama's meatloaf!

Sis has been enjoying winking.  Shane told her that winking means "just kidding"  So many many times a day this is what I hear.

"Mom, MOM, MOM!  Tomorrow we are going to a park.  We are Mom.  We are. Mom? Are you watching me? (she then winks, which really looks more like a facial twitch!)  Ha! Mom, did yo you see that?!"

Repeat over and over with different places we are going.  Last night on the phone she told her dad that she is grown up and 16 now.  (wink wink!)  We have to work  on teaching her that winking can't be seen over the phone.

Grace is a good eater too.  She does not like potatoes or things mixed together.  She really likes honey greek yogurt, toast with strawberry jam, pasta with no sauce, and eggs.  

We are working on respect at our house.  She's really getting her independence and often expresses her displeasure by yelling or fussing.  Once she gets something set in her mind she hates to have it changed and she's getting a bit sassy.  But she's also been cleaning up her room so well and clearing the table after meals.  We have a brave, independent, strong willed, helper.

There you go, a little update for ya!  Happy Tuesday!