Switching It up

EDIT:  I changed it back.  If you didn't see the new design, it was cute!  But by adding it I lost my dashboard where I clicked to add new posts and such.  Until I figure it out we'll have to stick with this design. :)

Just switching it up here on the ole blog.  Do I even have any readers left?  I have been doing poorly at updating here are some reasons in no specific order-

• Life is busy!  We travel quite a bit, I'm working part time and my kids are running me ragged!
• I still miss Ella so much.  I'm working through it.  Of course, I'll never get over it, but I don't take pics like I used to and I don't have the drive to post like I did.  Today marks 8 months since she's been in heaven.  When I am sad, I just want to lay on the couch a blanket and eat whatever I can get my hands on.  Which leads me to the next point:
• I've been working hard at getting this old body back into shape!  I (vaguely) remember being able to run 5 miles at 5:30 AM!!! with my friend Jodi.  On a regular basis.  I don't want to be a tired mom who can't play with her kids.  Or worse, I don't want to not be there for my kids.  I want to feel good in my body.  It's hard to be overweight and feel so bad about myself.  But it's also hard to exercise and eat right.  I'm choosing the latter.  I'm 6 weeks into this and fitting better into my clothes but am still waiting for that oh so exciting weight loss moment when I can "see it". But it's taking it's sweet little time to come.  I try to do it first thing in the morning when everyone is still in bed but I am also sometimes squeezing it in during nap time.  
• I'd rather write than share pictures right now.  I do realize that this disappoints some of you.  Writing has proven to be therapy for me and I'm grateful for it.  But I know that my family wants pics so then I don't write, and then I don't do anything.... vicious cycle.  I'm thankful for those of you have encouraged me to do whatever feels right.  I know you really want to see cute pics of my kids but thanks. :)
• I have a fancy and fun new phone and I am taking lots of pictures with it and not so many with my camera.  I need to do better about that too. Or better about uploading pics from my phone to my computer.  Or both.

Ok, so what do you think?  Like this new style or the old one better?   Leave me a comment and let me know!  And just for fun, here are two pics taken by Grace.  Maybe she should take over the blog. :)

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The Lake

We haven't had many snowy days but we've really enjoyed the ones we've had!  We took an afternoon and went sledding one day and then walked over to check out the ice on the lake.  Shane's been itching to walk to the island! (Every year he is ready to do this.  I, on the other hand, am never ready. ha!)

Friday

It's a snowy Friday.  I'm still in my jams.  :)  Kids are running around like crazy, my bed is covered in laundry.  I like days like today.  They make days like yesterday where we ran around all day and were busy ok because I know that Friday is coming.  Have a great weekend!

Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous. Do not e afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.

Joshua 1:9

What I'd like to tell you.

 I remember reading posts like this from other mamas who have lost a child.  Now, here I am posting something similar.  Here is a collection of thoughts I've had for a while now and I wanted to share them with you.

• I like to talk about Ella.  She is a very important part of my life.  I don't mind if you talk about her too. It's ok to ask me about her.  If I share something about her it's not because I am trying to make you uncomfortable, it's because she's part of my story now. When I share about the birth of my kids, there will be three stories.  When I talk, many things in our lives were "before Ella, when we had Ella, or after we had Ella".  
• I like it when you do ask me about her.  Or how I am really doing.  Sometimes I am really good and feeling good and sometimes I am sad and missing her a lot. I may share with you, I may just tell you that I'm "good"  (and that is more often than not true!)
• Ella was born.  She lived. She was born alive at 34 weeks.  She cried.  She opened her eyes.  She lived for two precious hours. If she would not have had Trisomy 13 there would have been all kinds of interventions and things done to make sure she was a healthy preemie.  She did not live long, but she did indeed live.
• I did not have a miscarriage.  Ella was born alive and then went into the arms of Jesus two hours later.  I am not trying to trivialize anyone's pain with a miscarriage.  I have had miscarriages and have mourned greatly for those babies I never got to know. But I did not have a miscarriage.  I carried Ella for 34 weeks and felt her move and kick and hiccup.  I held her as she took her last breath here on earth.  She was here.  If she would have went to heaven before she was born, I still would not have had a miscarriage.  It would have been a stillbirth.  This is very important to me.  I would also venture to say that it's important to other mama's who have experienced the same loss.  If you are unsure of what to say or you don't want to say "when Ella died", you can use "when you lost Ella", or "when you had Ella", or "when Ella went to heaven."
• Grace and Graham will always know they have a sister in Heaven.  We talk about her whenever the opportunity arises.  Gracie will proudly share that she has a "baby" and that her baby sister is in heaven. I am proud of her during those moments when she feels like sharing.  I want her be able to talk about Ella whenever she wants to.  Sometimes she doesn't talk about her for a while and then we'll talk about her quite a bit for a few days.  
• I have three children.  Two are here and one is in heaven.  That "how many kids do you have" question will always be awkward for me from here on out.  I may say just two to simplify things, I may say I have three kids, or I may go into detail, but I will now always, always have to stop and think about that question.

Monday Monday

 A few weeks ago we went to Crazy Pinz with our friends Alexis and Jonah.  The kids had such a fun time.  They even went putt putt golfing!

 Look how long Gracie's hair was!  She and Graham got hair cuts last week.  I'll post a new pic of her "do" this week!

 My fashionista.  

I went to Michigan to see my girlfriends this past weekend.  It was filled with lots of eating and hanging out, sweat pants, and sleeping in.  It was simply the best.  Shane and the kids had some fun adventures themselves!  I was happy to go but so glad to get home and hug them too.  :)

An original

Here's a little video for you:  Written and recorded in our very own garage.

You're welcome.

Phone Dump

It's like playing "where's Waldo"

This obviously wasn't this week!  

Shane was gone quite a bit in the past few weeks.  We did lots of face time with Daddy.

Did you find him?

I  ate this for my "last no calorie counting, eat what you want" meal.  It's called "Cherry Berry On a Cloud, but my friend Jod, used strawberries.  It had a meringue on the bottom.  DELISH!

A little book time before bed.

He insisted sleeping with Gracie's Sunday hat.  This is how I found him.

My two lovelies.

You keep track of all my sorrows.  You have collected all my tears in your bottle.  You have recorded each one in your book.

Psalm 56:8 NLT

(read this today and I love it.  It's perfect)